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Goodbye Cruel World
Dear Readers, I had great intentions of writing a post today however that idea, along with brushing my hair and drying my shoes which were soaked by the torrential rain yesterday, fell by the wayside....
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The Summer of My Amazing Luck
I broke another bicycle. Well actually if we’re being specific I broke three bicycles. With the latest bike, the chain got caught in between the gears and the frame. This of course occurred at the most...
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Dear Rob Ford, Let’s Get Hitched
It’s important to keep your options open, which is why I routinely send written marriage proposals to any number of men that I’ve never met. In these letters I cite the reasons why holy matrimony is...
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Ridiculous Debates and Second Hand Underpants
I’m currently preparing to leave Quebec, which means only one thing; it’s time to put all of my possessions into a suitcase that seems to shrink in size with each passing second. Packing also leads to...
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Eternal Optimism of an Unwashed Mind
Over the summer, my mother spent a week at my house with her contractor friend making various repairs. This visit was punctuated with text message conversations like this one: Mom : “Your shower door...
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You Should See My Underpants
Wait. That came out wrong. The title was supposed to be like the joke in “Uncle Buck” when Macaulay Culkin walks into the kitchen and sees this. (Photo Credit: wwwfyeo.blogspot.com) Then John Candy...
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Atomic Wedgies and Packing Fails
It’s underwear week here at The Great Unwashed. Oh heck, who am I kidding it’s always underwear week. I might as well change my blog’s name to “The Great Underpants”, given how often I discuss my...
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An Unwashed Day
5 am – Wake up. 5:02 am – Tell self to go back to sleep, no one gets up at this hour. 5:05 am – Stare at ceiling, waiting to become a normal person who sleeps in. 5:12 am – Who am I kidding? I’ve never...
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Becoming the Neighbourhood Weirdo and Other Things I Do In the Name of Saving...
I’m a minimalist environmentalist. What this means is that I don’t bathe, partially because doing so would use water unnecessarily and partly because it alarms my family. Along with eschewing...
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An Open Letter to Undergrads
Dear Young People, Based on the sheer number of you loitering about the university campus staring at your phones when you ought to be lying in bed nursing a hangover, I’m forced to conclude that the...
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Naked in Public: The Neighbourly Edition
When I’m out and about, my nudity is unintentional. However at home is another story; when I lived on the second story of the doctor’s house, Roscoe would begin by pleading that I “not stand in the...
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Chicken Little and Monster Hands
I’m not Doctor Doolittle but in general, I can take care of most animals. Feeding a dog? Piece of cake. Clipping a cat’s claws? No problem. But when it comes to birds, well, that’s another story. This...
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Sometimes I am Alarmed By Me
I’m cleaning house, which means I’m coming across relics of my former self. Often when rummaging through their things, people will look at old photos and question their fashion choices. That rarely...
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Daily Weirdness
My friend Carrie Blueberry uses this title as a tag. She also regularly takes exotic, beautiful portraits of her friends in the buff or close to it. I’m hoping that if I keep complimenting her that...
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Daily Weirdness Wednesdays: Me and My Candy Pants
I have an obsession with twenty-five cent candy machines. It’s getting a little out of hand actually; when my pockets turn up only dimes, I’ve debated busking next to the cheerful metal and glass...
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Naked In Public: The Roommate Edition
I’m living with a biologist named Meredith*. She recently moved in, as always when one acquires a roommate there is a bit of apprehension. Will we have interests in common? What if they have weird...
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Down in the Dumps over my Derrière
I have a sneaking suspicion that my butt is becoming flatter. Not falling, just transitioning from 3D to 2D. I blame it on all the sitting I’ve been doing recently; in cars, on buses, on planes. And...
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We Need to Talk About Jeremiah
For those of you who are new to my discussions of weight gain, Jeremiah is my food baby. I make him out of butter and gummy worms. He generally appears somewhere around the end of January, after I’ve...
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Short Person Problems and Pterodactyl Cries
I just finished my school semester, but before this, life was pretty hairy. I was up to my ears in everything. Which is saying less than if I was a giant basketball player, however it was busy. At one...
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Firearms, Surfboards and Closed Eyed Terror: Part 1
I shot a gun. That’s a sentence designed to strike fear in the hearts of everyone who knows me. When I was younger, I had grand plans of jetting off to Churchill Manitoba to be a park ranger. My Gran...
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